By Dr. Paul Stimson, Managing Partner, WSA
This may seem like a warmer and fuzzier topic than we usually address in LeadingUpset, but current research says the single biggest reason newly promoted managers and executives fail is because they are unsuccessful in building partnerships with peers and subordinates.
One of the most critical elements in building successful partnerships and connecting effectively with others is our perceived accessibility. While it is usually not our intent to “blow people off”, our actions often speak much louder than our words. Too often we don't realize just how loud.
How Accessible and Available do Others Perceive You to be?
- Do you leave people feeling that they were lucky to get 5 minutes of your time?
- Do you proudly multi-task as you interact with your colleagues?
- Will you interrupt a conversation at the first ping of your email or the ring of your phone?
- Do people feel heard and valued after an interaction with you; or brushed-off and placated?
Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of today's workplace, the reliance on electronic forms of communication, the value placed on multi-tasking leave too many people feeling frustrated and devalued following interactions with managers and colleagues.
The research is clear: the number one reason people look for a new job is due to the poor relationship they have with their boss. So, every conversation will either build a sense of partnership, or it will accelerate the departure of some of your best people.
While you can't always control the quantity of time you have to interact, you can absolutely control the quality. To follow are 6 behaviors that really send the wrong message if your goal is foster better business relationships.
6 Business Partnership Killers and Their Fixes
1. Assuming the Exit Position
Too many people assume a body position that communicates the desire to exit the conversation as soon as possible. They hang at the threshold of someone's office, with one hand on the door, as though poised to flee at the first sound of footsteps.
The Fix: SIT DOWN!! Even if you have just a few minutes to talk, sitting down signals a commitment to this moment with this person, however short the moment may be.
2. Offering “Only” Time
When someone asks to speak with you and you respond with “OK, but I only have five minutes, the word “only” damages the spirit of the interaction right off the bat. The message is that this conversation will be squeezed and incomplete, and the person requesting your time is not important.
The Fix: Remove the word “only” from your vocabulary. Try “I have five minutes to speak with you. Will that work for you?”
3. Two-Timing
Where face-to-face interactions are concerned, multi-tasking isn't a valuable skill: it's a form of cheating. Re-arranging papers, reading emails, typing and other busy work accomplished while conversing with others - all such divisions of our attention cheat others out of receiving our full presence. They are noticeable and harmful to the relationship.
The Fix: Resist the temptation to tinker with other work while talking with people. Keep good eye contact.
4. The Democracy of Interruptions
All knocks on the door, phone calls and e-mails are not equal. Serious matters must be immediately addressed and occasionally do intrude on interactions. But all interruptions should not get equal weight.
The Fix: Prioritize! Learn to discern the unworthy pressures. Let calls drop to voicemail and let email wait. Communicate clear standards around what merits interrupting a closed-door conversation.
5. Pseudo-Presence
Mimicking the outward signs of an active listener without a true internal commitment to being attentive to others is a bad strategy. While all of us have had to fake it at times, quick “uh-huhs”, nodding and other gimmicks are usually unconvincing and detectable signs of our true lack of attention.
The Fix: Focus your attention on the person you are speaking with. Forego the gimmicks and concentrate on hearing the words and the feelings beneath the words. Be willing to tell someone that you are having difficulty staying attentive. They have probably figured it out anyway.
They will appreciate your honesty and will be less likely to take it personally. If you miss something because of your distraction ask them to repeat the point. When they finish talking, take a moment and paraphrase what they have just told you to be sure you got their message.
6. Filtering
Our tendency to filter messages prevents us from listening with full attention. Filtering typically shifts us from a fixed focus on the person before us and the thoughts and feelings they are communicating.
Common filters include:
- Judging the message without fully hearing it
- Rehearsing what to say next (in your head – hopefully)
- Drifting
- Over-reading the other person
- Placating
- Relating what you hear to your own experience.
The Fix: Simple awareness of our tendency to filter in certain ways is often enough to contain the urge. Enter the conversation with other-centered reminders such as “this person has something valuable to communicate to me” and “what can I discover about this person's needs in this conversation.”
Conclusions
I don't expect that any of these 6 Killers were new to you, but there is some value in reviewing them together with the suggested remedies as a quick reference.
Review these once a week and see if the quality of your interactions improves. Think of it as an investment in teambuilding, commitment and productivity, and ultimately, your success.